


The Need to Feel

by Bunsandpups



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-02
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-24 10:52:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4916749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bunsandpups/pseuds/Bunsandpups
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki is having a bit of an identity crisis, and Thor knows the right words to say.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Need to Feel

“I do not understand why you choose to lock yourself away so much, Brother. As I recall, you hated your time in the prisons downstairs. You were just barely holding yourself together. And yet, you have made your room a prison. You barely eat, except to please Mother, and you ignore any word from Father or myself. What has made you so glum?”

He couldn’t and wouldn’t understand it. Thor would never be able to feel the same kind of regret and remorse Loki had. Which one of them found out their life was a lie? Which one of them found out they were a disgusting monster? It wasn’t the revered blond warrior in front of him. Loki’s hand twitched; he desperately wanted to throw something at Thor to make him leave, but perhaps just shouting or saying something rude enough would do the trick. He could hope.

“Why don’t you go for another hunt, Thor? It was always your strong suit. Personal talks are best left to Mother and myself, and you know how much I speak these days.” Loki had kept calling Frigga “Mother” after he found out about his heritage, but he couldn’t bear to call Odin his father anymore. Not after that betrayal.

“But Brother, you’re hardly speaking at all.”

“That was indeed the point of my saying so. I’m glad we’re all on the same page.” Loki waited a moment for Thor’s response, and then turned his back to him when it was clear that Thor expected something more out of the exchange than a cold, shrewd Loki. Whatever he expected, he wasn’t going to get it.

“Dismissed.” There was no real authority to Loki’s words, but he could try. The one thing he had managed to pick up during his stay with Odin’s family was how to act regal when everything was falling apart. It was a useful skill, and he angled himself even further away from his brother in order to try and force the message across. Predictably, it had mixed results.

“Brother, I do not understand why you will not open up to us. I wish you would talk.” Loki had been about to retaliate when Thor left, the sound of footsteps traveling away down the hall. Loki relaxed a little and conjured an enchanted door, one that would only open for someone who could solve a rather rigorous riddle.

“There,” he murmured to himself as he rested on the bed. “Finally, a little peace and quiet to do some reading in.” He’d been working his way (in some ways again, in others anew) through the library in the palace. He had learned and reread much, and yet he was still so endlessly bored. What was he supposed to do? The histories and fantasies no longer tickled his fancy in the same way.

He pushed the book aside when it no longer held his interest. The tone of the work had shifted. The dark, gritty tales of a hero battling against all odds were coming to a close and required (of course) the happy ending. He stared at the ceiling for a while. _Sometimes there is no happy ending. Sometimes you work and it turns out to have all been in vain. And sometimes, he thought as he got up and started to pace, your “brother” gets everything you thought was yours and you’re suddenly the family monster._

He stayed by a window for a while, watching the goings on of Asgard. People were always in such a rush to get where they were going. He wondered if they stopped for a moment to think about what they had, what good there was in their lives. _Do you even know what true suffering is? Sure, I’ve acted the megalomaniac. So has Thor, at times, rushing into battle and getting people hurt. But how many have had their whole lives ripped out from under them?_ The thoughts turned him bitter, and he dropped the luxurious drapes down to avoid seeing the happy people. He wouldn’t know happiness again. He would sit here, dying at a very slow pace, and that would be the end of him. Of Loki “Odinson,” the once great and promised ruler. He didn’t bother asking, because he knew it would be pointless and there would be lies, but he had a sneaking feeling that now everyone either disliked or outright hated him more for what he was. _I can’t control that, but somehow it matters more than everything else to them. As if who I am is changed by what I am._

The thought, although it had seemed unimportant at the time, occupied Loki for the next several hours. _If I am not changed by this information, then there is nothing to sulk about and I should get back to my duties. If, on the other hand, I am changed, I have no duties. I must talk to someone about this._ He had considered both Odin and Frigga but ruled them out. They were the ones (particularly Odin) who had started this whole damn crisis. He wasn’t about to kowtow to them now and pretend like he wasn’t still angry.

“Perhaps Thor will have to do…” He went to walk toward the door and was surprised to find his brother throwing it open before he could reach it. “How long have you been standing there?” His eyes narrowed.

“Long enough to hear you cursing residents of Asgard and pretending like there really is something different about you. You are still my brother, are you not?” Thor held up a hand when Loki went to interrupt. “We may not be brothers by blood but you are still my brother by right and by shield. You have not changed in your cleverness, nor in how cold you can be. The only thing that has changed is you know you are not a blood member of this family. But even then, have we not treated you well?”

A smile graced the smaller man’s lips. He nodded as he invited Thor in to talk about this, perhaps more openly than he’d first intended. “Yes, Brother. I guess you are right.” A chuckle escaped from both of them, and suddenly things didn’t seem so awful anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't remember what prompted this, but it's a cute older fic that was just laying around. I hope you enjoyed it!


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